Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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