so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
