He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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