When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
