he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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