Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
