i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize