I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize