every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize