nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
