Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize