Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
