Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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