So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
