remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
