lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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