Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
