the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
