happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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