How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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