wat bout pragnant strippers??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
