mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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