She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
