Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
