Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
