She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
