Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
