She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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