i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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