No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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