WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
As shirtless as possible
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
