don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
