ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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