i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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