STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
