I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
