I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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