a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
