haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
