worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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