woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've blown a few things in my day
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
