Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize