I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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