had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
