Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
