I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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