Is it because I queefed?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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