They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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