You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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