Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
