All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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