I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
