someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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