The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
