Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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