I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
