I'm drive I can fine osifer
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
