I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
