It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
