My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
