standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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