: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Randomize
