Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
