i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
