What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
