her vagine was all disorganized.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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