Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You took a bar mat shot.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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