like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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