So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
