idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
